None of us can honestly say that no one ever gave us anything or helped us. It's natural to feel grateful. However, if the benefit we receive comes with strings attached, we may feel the burden of gratitude rather than the warm glow a truly free gift inspires.
People don't show us their inner reality. They may not even know it themselves. Because we only see the public persona of others, we shouldn't be quick to suspect their motives. However, if we think they have an agenda other than giving us happiness, we have a right to feel resentful.
People are also perfectly capable of feeling two or more emotions at the same time. We may act one way while at the same time harboring feelings of indecision, frustration, resentment - the list is endless. We can be truly grateful but also resent the necessity of being so.
Perhaps we are grateful to a parent. Maybe a coworker has offered an opportunity or given us a great review. All is fine if the gift is given freely. Virtue is its own reward in many cases, and we can simply say 'Thank you' and go on. However, often there is an emotional bill to pay, or a 'tit for tat' expectation which demands reciprocation.
Parents have a natural obligation to provide for their children. However, if the children are made to feel that they now owe a return of some sort, a feeling of injustice may smother any grateful feelings. There's a fine line between what is balanced and what is dysfunctional. A parent who expects to be rewarded for their 'sacrifice' will probably be disappointed.
Trying to keep things on an even keel at home or work may make you feel you have to grin and bear it. It's not surprising that you might be resentful, even if you can't show it. If you can understand where the other person is coming from, you will have a better chance at making the best response.
In cases like this, we may not even feel grateful. However, the real question is how to deal with a situation. We can control our own reactions if we are mature, free, and able to reason things out. The debt may spur us to actions that benefit the other party. As long as we can do this honestly, this is a good thing. Many people take such an obligation as an incentive to visit more often, remember to give credit where credit is due, to pray for others, or to 'pay it forward'.
Of course, being in the wrong (however slightly) doesn't mean you feel any better about the situation. You may have to put up with the imposition of gratitude, if the relationship is important to you or your job depends on it. Otherwise, you might be able to change the dynamics (change jobs or move out of state) to make sure you won't have to endure this again.
People don't show us their inner reality. They may not even know it themselves. Because we only see the public persona of others, we shouldn't be quick to suspect their motives. However, if we think they have an agenda other than giving us happiness, we have a right to feel resentful.
People are also perfectly capable of feeling two or more emotions at the same time. We may act one way while at the same time harboring feelings of indecision, frustration, resentment - the list is endless. We can be truly grateful but also resent the necessity of being so.
Perhaps we are grateful to a parent. Maybe a coworker has offered an opportunity or given us a great review. All is fine if the gift is given freely. Virtue is its own reward in many cases, and we can simply say 'Thank you' and go on. However, often there is an emotional bill to pay, or a 'tit for tat' expectation which demands reciprocation.
Parents have a natural obligation to provide for their children. However, if the children are made to feel that they now owe a return of some sort, a feeling of injustice may smother any grateful feelings. There's a fine line between what is balanced and what is dysfunctional. A parent who expects to be rewarded for their 'sacrifice' will probably be disappointed.
Trying to keep things on an even keel at home or work may make you feel you have to grin and bear it. It's not surprising that you might be resentful, even if you can't show it. If you can understand where the other person is coming from, you will have a better chance at making the best response.
In cases like this, we may not even feel grateful. However, the real question is how to deal with a situation. We can control our own reactions if we are mature, free, and able to reason things out. The debt may spur us to actions that benefit the other party. As long as we can do this honestly, this is a good thing. Many people take such an obligation as an incentive to visit more often, remember to give credit where credit is due, to pray for others, or to 'pay it forward'.
Of course, being in the wrong (however slightly) doesn't mean you feel any better about the situation. You may have to put up with the imposition of gratitude, if the relationship is important to you or your job depends on it. Otherwise, you might be able to change the dynamics (change jobs or move out of state) to make sure you won't have to endure this again.
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