When people discuss marriage dissolution, they most often do so from the woman's vantage point. There is a great deal of time and effort expended on understanding the negative effects divorces can have on wives, but very little mention of the repercussions for men. This shouldn't come as a surprise, since there are many very cultural and societal reasons that explain the lack of attention given to the male perspective on divorce.
The sad fact is that men often fail to talk about their feelings about breakups, due to a combination of learned behaviors and society-imposed expectations. Few men spend a lot of time talking about their feelings with their friends, so they often end up internalizing their anguish. This has led to a somewhat common belief that marriage breakups have less of an impact on the men involved. That's simply not the case.
Simply put, men often feel like complete failures after a divorce. And for the average male, that kind of failure can destroy his self-image. After all, most men feel as though who they are is defined by their success or failure in various aspects of life. When their marriages break down, they are suddenly confronted with the worst failure of them all: the failure to make a that union work.
Loss of identity is another common problem experienced by divorced men. Their previous identity as a husband within a happy marriage was often the most important piece of their overall identity. When that's gone, even enriching careers are not enough to salve the loss. As a result, divorced men face deep challenges in their struggle to rediscover who they are without that former role.
This feeling of being without a clear identity can be exasperated even more when there are children involved. Since many divorces end with the mother as primary custodian, the man's relationship with his children can be negatively impacted. This can lead to both grief and anger for those fathers, since their paternal needs are often left unmet.
Where grief is concerned, men often keep it inside. Unlike women, who usually have better skills at sharing feelings with their closest friends and family members, most men have been raised to believe that they'll seem weak if they let those emotions out. This causes them to hold feelings in, or use alcohol or dangerous behaviors to suppress those feelings they lack the capacity to properly manage.
That path often leads to depression. And regardless of how severe that depression might be, t almost always leads to isolation from friends and family. Sometimes, depression can become so intense that men suffer from headaches, hypertension, or other ailments. Worst of all, most men end up enduring these travails all by themselves.
The old myths about men not being negatively affected by marriage breakups are just that: myths. Until society begins to recognize the deep impact that divorces can have on the men involved, divorced husbands will never obtain the understanding and attention they need to successfully recover from the trauma of a failed marriage.
The sad fact is that men often fail to talk about their feelings about breakups, due to a combination of learned behaviors and society-imposed expectations. Few men spend a lot of time talking about their feelings with their friends, so they often end up internalizing their anguish. This has led to a somewhat common belief that marriage breakups have less of an impact on the men involved. That's simply not the case.
Simply put, men often feel like complete failures after a divorce. And for the average male, that kind of failure can destroy his self-image. After all, most men feel as though who they are is defined by their success or failure in various aspects of life. When their marriages break down, they are suddenly confronted with the worst failure of them all: the failure to make a that union work.
Loss of identity is another common problem experienced by divorced men. Their previous identity as a husband within a happy marriage was often the most important piece of their overall identity. When that's gone, even enriching careers are not enough to salve the loss. As a result, divorced men face deep challenges in their struggle to rediscover who they are without that former role.
This feeling of being without a clear identity can be exasperated even more when there are children involved. Since many divorces end with the mother as primary custodian, the man's relationship with his children can be negatively impacted. This can lead to both grief and anger for those fathers, since their paternal needs are often left unmet.
Where grief is concerned, men often keep it inside. Unlike women, who usually have better skills at sharing feelings with their closest friends and family members, most men have been raised to believe that they'll seem weak if they let those emotions out. This causes them to hold feelings in, or use alcohol or dangerous behaviors to suppress those feelings they lack the capacity to properly manage.
That path often leads to depression. And regardless of how severe that depression might be, t almost always leads to isolation from friends and family. Sometimes, depression can become so intense that men suffer from headaches, hypertension, or other ailments. Worst of all, most men end up enduring these travails all by themselves.
The old myths about men not being negatively affected by marriage breakups are just that: myths. Until society begins to recognize the deep impact that divorces can have on the men involved, divorced husbands will never obtain the understanding and attention they need to successfully recover from the trauma of a failed marriage.
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